The great pretenders.

Yesterday, I cried in the supermarket. Next to the milk. In front of an aisle full of strangers. You see, I have spent the last five days pretending that I'm fine...working through the flares, the fatuige, and the rollercoaster of emotions to get through each day and ensure that my 'performance' meets expectations. People don't like to be made uncomfortable, and our discomfort does just that. So what do we do? The chronically ill, the mentally unwell and the physically broken? We pretend. We become experts at donning the 'mask'; putting our best foot forward and generally doing our best to make sure that people don't get a chance to see the cracks. 

Unfortunately for me, my mask fell of the second I left work yesterday; the moment that I finally had the chance to reflect on the way I actually feel. And how emberassed was I? Extremely. Still wearing my work lanyard, sobbing into my pint of milk. Not a good look and, let me assure you - not the way I was planning to begin my Friday night. But you know what? This is life and this is reality. We aren't perfect, we need support and if we stop looking after one another, we may find ourselves in far worse situations than a supermarket sobfest. So do you know what I did? I immediately got in touch with the two people I can share the real me with; my beautiful sister, Kate, and my fabulous fellow spoonie and blogger, Stacey. And believe me, I let it allll out. Through swearing, shouting, crying and even laughing, I now feel a bit more 'me' again. Yes, my problems are still there, but by sharing them with those I trust and love, I feel a renewed sense of 'Yes, I can!' and far less, 'woe, is me. Boohoo.'

So this is my advice to my fellow spoonies out there; please, prepare for the occasions when the mask slips off. Who can you talk to? What can you do to help you get through the rough times? For me, it tends to be a bath, some good old fashioned comfort food, and a chat to someone who doesn't see the Great Pretender I so often find myself trying to be. Please identify your spoon support, guys - there is never any shame in admitting we need a helping hand to get through the difficult moments...even if they may be the milk aisle in the local Sainsburys. 

Much love, spoonies. Claire x